Who am I? If one were to ask me to describe myself in only a handful of words they would be cynical, eccentric (or since I am not rich-weird), and antisocial. To that list, I would have to add perfectionist and procrastination since they are as much a part of me as the former. In some ways, I am a study in contradictions although most of my oddities are concentrated around my worldview and my reactions to it.
I see the world as many shades of grey rather than black and white. In fact, this side of heaven and hell, I believe there are no true blacks and whites. No one is above corruption and just because a person hasn't fallen, doesn't mean that they cannot given the right reason. Therefore, I believe that a person's actions actually say less about them than they're intentions. Actions are dependant on circumstances. Intentions are dependant on thoughts.
I do not believe that true altruism is common, since most people, who give whether it is money, time, or even their lives, believe that they will gain something for their sacrifice. A true altruist-and by extension a true hero-must give without thought of reward or recognition (which are the same). In this vain, I do not consider most firemen*, policemen, or soldiers to be heroes. Saving lives is their job and they chose their occupation. Those who perform above and beyond their duty could be heroes, but only if they do not seek heroism.
My lack of faith in one's so-called good deeds is what leads me to be antisocial. I don't trust anyone completely. I never will. I always believe there is an ulterior motive for every action. Some would call this belief to be paranoia. To them I say, "Just because someone is paranoid doesn't mean everyone isn't out to get them." Many supposedly altruistic persons, counselors for instance, are being paid for the work they perform. They do not truly care for the people they help or they would not require money. I aversion to rewards is not to be confused with socialism. No, I am a capitalist. I like anyone else, scurry for my rewards. I do think that socialism would be best, but only if humanity itself changed greatly.
I have read too many books, however to believe that we would ever achieve a true utopia. Most of the authors who write about the world with no war, poverty, and disease also have no individuality or drive. Some blame this on capitalism (H.G. Wells) while others blame it on socialism (Ayn Rand). One attributes it to turning the expression "all men are created equal" literally (Kurt Vonnegut). All of them say the same thing: a true utopian society will not come without a price.
As for the perfectionism and procrastination, they are simply me. I don't quite know why I am a perfectionist. I procrastinate because I'm lazy. I do know that they are a bad combination. It's very hard to do something right with very little time to do it in. I tend to start things and never....
* Just a little pet peeve of mine. I always use the most common form of a word in gender situations. I never say "fire person" or "police person." I insist on saying them or they rather than "he or she." Why can't anyone invent a neuter word that won't insult people (calling a person "it" would be considered rude). How's cuj sound?